Scientists have studied how to be happy for decades, and a new report from the Wall Street Journal shares some troubling news: the vast majority of happiness studies are too poorly designed to offer any significant conclusions. Elizabeth Dunn, a professor who studies happiness at the University of British Columbia, scoured nearly 500 peer-reviewed papers with her fellow doctoral student, Dunigan Folk. Activities such as spending time in nature, meditating and exercising (typical answers for generating feelings of happiness) had either weak or inconclusive results. “The evidence just melts away when you actually look at it closely,” Dunn said, confirming a key misunderstanding around the real source of happiness. Why is science inconclusive on this most popular search topic (after all, more people google “how to be happy” than “how to be rich”). What is it that research can’t tell us about being happy?
Why We Don’t Know How to Be Happy
While practicing gratitude, working out or enjoying close personal relationships can be an apparent source of happiness, there are no guarantees that those actions (or any others) will make you happy. Have you ever seen someone crying on a beautiful mountainside, surrounded by unbelievable natural beauty? How about experiencing feelings of loneliness, in the middle of a family reunion – surrounded by loved ones? What happens when gratitude is elusive, regardless of the amount of money in your paycheck?
In a general survey of over 1,000 respondents, only 12% reported as being “very happy”. Here are the common traits for these ultra-happy people, followed by a quick dose of verbal truth serum (namely, the real reason that science and polls can’t help you to be happy).
The Very Happy Value Strong Relationships
67% of the turbo-happy group say that marriage is very important to them, for example. But fear not, single friends: happiness is not out of your grasp. You don’t need a partner to be happy. Don Draper said, on the television series Mad Men, that “[happiness is] a moment before you need more happiness.” Maybe being happy is a waiting game, not a dating game?
Being Happy Is Not a Function of Money
Many of the very happy report than community involvement is important. Yet, as a group, these über-happy people don’t attach high importance to money. Having projects – something to look forward to – can contribute to an overall sense of well-being. Status and esteem are important, according to psychologist Abraham Maslow. But circumstances are not necessarily a reflection of your mood.
Good Diet, Exercise and Career Achievement: Nice to Have, But Not Exactly What Makes You Happy
From an often-cited Harvard Study, which began in the years before World War II, researchers followed two different groups of people. First, a group of nearly 300 sophomores at the venerable institution of Harvard. The second group featured 456 14-year-old boys who were growing up in rough neighborhoods and in broken families. Observing these individuals for entire lifetimes, the survey concluded that diet, exercise and accomplishments are like cilantro: nice to have, but not necessary for happiness. On the days when men and women spent more time in the company of others, they were happier, according to reports from the Wall Street Journal. Over and over again, the guinea pigs in the Harvard study shared, as they reached into their 70s and 80s, how relationships made a difference.
The opposite of happiness isn’t sadness. It’s loneliness. And while Canadian researchers express concerns over the validity of experiments on happiness, perhaps it’s time to run your own experiment – based on your own personal experience.
Humans are social animals. We work best in groups. Even the most introverted among us value strong relationships (just in the right doses). Today, connections and relationships might be what brings you happiness. On the other hand, those relationships might just be the source of your frustration. And being alone might be your happy place – not a source of loneliness at all! So what is it that we already know about happiness, that all of these surveys seem to ignore?
Happiness is a state of mind, according to the Harvard Business Review …and the experience of all human beings, everywhere. That means happiness can occur in your home office, on a crowded airplane, at a concert or in the shower – literally anywhere in the world where your brain is on. Because wherever you go, there you are. Happiness can be influenced by your surroundings, or diet, or relationships, or gratitude – but never determined by those things. Have you ever made a lot of money, and felt unhappy? Have you ever been totally broke and experienced pure bliss? Actions, relationships and circumstances are not the source of happiness. A state of mind can only come from one place and one place only, and that is: inside your mind. Your thoughts and feelings may not always be a reflection of who or what is around you, or what you are doing. Can you be ok with that fact?
How to Experience Happiness: It’s Not a Mystery
As a coach to executive leaders, media personalities, politicians and entrepreneurs, there’s one thing I always share: if you really want to experience happiness, look to your own experience. Your own personal understanding of what makes you happy. While science and data is useful, you weren’t in the Harvard study from 1938, and you probably never worked with happiness researchers in British Columbia. But you already have the equipment to be happy. Just as you have the equipment for loneliness, joy, love, selfishness, gratitude, discouragement, hope and every other human emotion. Like opposable thumbs, the ability to be happy is part of our humanity (even when we don’t see it). Have you ever noticed that babies don’t need therapy?
If you really want to get closer to happiness, what happens if you start by being comfortable with… the human experience? All of it. Even the messy parts. What happens? The way you feel about Trevor in accounting is part of your unique human experience. Can gratitude be a part of your attitude? Whatever you’re going through it’s part of being alive. And if you’re in a rough patch, consider this coaching question for what you are facing: “What’s good about this?” Take that journey and see where it leads you.
If your feelings aren’t an error that needs to be corrected, or a challenge that must be figured out…what happens? What internal influences can you discover, to really adjust your state of mind? You don’t need to be happy in every moment, that’s impossible. Why would you expect a happy state of mind 100% of the time? Maybe making it OK to be unhappy is the first step towards discovering a new possibility. Perhaps getting comfortable with whatever it is you’re feeling is an experiment you can run on your own – but only if it makes you happy.
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