Many kids show talent at an early age. They could be athletically gifted and excel at sports or musically gifted and may play an instrument at a level above their years. Some are gifted with words, others in numbers or art, but only a small set of these talented kids grow up to realize their potential and become exceptional in their field. We have all come across stories about child prodigies or kids who display early sparks of brilliance but burn out early and never fulfill their potential.
I have spent a number of years researching what makes a rare set of people extraordinary at what they do (people I call “the exceptionals”). I have learned that becoming exceptional starts early in life, and parents play a significant role in helping their kids realize their full potential by creating an environment that fosters growth and a desire to excel. Parents are the unsung heroes who, knowingly or unknowingly, create a setting where their kids feel encouraged and motivated to do their best work. Natural talent needs to be nurtured and requires a conducive environment; for young kids, this environment is created by their parents.
Below are five parenting principles used by parents of talented kids who grow up to realize their potential and become exceptional in their field. You, too, can help your kids realize their full potential and grow up to become successful, strong, and tenacious by following these five principles of parents who have done it successfully.
1. They Create a Strivers Mindset:
The most exceptional achievers often grow up in an environment where there is an expectation, not merely a desire, of high achievement. As they were growing up, their parents set the expectation that striving for excellence and trying their best was the norm and something they should always shoot for. They were encouraged to believe that exceptional performance was something they could attain, and it was not reserved only for celebrities or people they saw on TV.
These parents create a strivers mindset by setting the bar high and assisting their children in meeting it. They always tried to create an environment where learning and growth are supported. For example, parents don’t just provide an answer when their child has a question about something they don’t understand; they patiently work with their kids to show them how to find the solution or teach them to solve the problems themselves.
2. They Create a Positive Link between Effort and Outcomes
Kids who grow up to become exceptional come from an environment where a strong work ethic has been instilled in them early in their journey. Their parents have shown them the positive link between effort and outcome, so they understand that if they want a specific result, they have to put in the required effort. The most exceptional kids grow up in households where hard work and discipline are expected, and parents set an example by exhibiting these qualities themselves.
Kids who grew up to become exceptional came from a continually competitive environment where they had to “earn” every little success they achieved and where nothing was given easily. They had to cross high bars to reap the rewards of accomplishing something. Being competitive from an early age, even in unrelated events, exposed these future elites to the stress and pressure required to win later in life.
3. They Play the Role of Parents and not Coaches
In many instances, the kids who grow up to become exceptional learn early skills from their parents; in other cases, they learn these skills independently. However, in all cases, when parents recognize that their kids have something special, they step back and play a supportive role in their children’s drive to excellence.
The most effective parents help their kids through encouragement, reinforcement, and by being positive role models. They stay away from providing technical instruction (unless a parent is also a coach). Kids need their parents to be parents and look to their coaches for skill development. Being both a parent and a coach is hard. Parents need to understand that the role they play as mom or dad is critical, and they should make a conscious decision to leave the coaching to others, even if they have valuable technical advice to share.
For example, even as his son was learning to become great at tennis, 11-time grand slam champion dad, Bjorn Borg, was very clear that he needed to play the role of a dad, not as a coach. He likely knows more about tennis than almost any other person on Earth, but he was unequivocal that he would only play the role of a dad and leave the technical instruction to the coach. Being a supportive parent to a talented kid is hard enough, and it is best not to be playing the role of an instructor as well.
4. They Instill Confidence and Raise Confident Kids
Confidence is the superpower that separates the best from the rest. Elite parents recognize that when their kids have confidence, they will be able to overcome barriers that are in their path. They understand that confidence is an essential skill tied to high levels of achievement and living happy and fulfilled lives.
These parents make it a point to instill confidence in their kids and encourage them to trust themselves. They do this repeatedly so that confidence becomes part of their child’s mindset. Parents help their kids develop confidence by being confident themselves. Confident parents instill confidence in kids who see their parents as role models. Parents also help their kids develop and follow a process each time they are in a stressful situation, such as in a race, game, or concert. When kids focus on a process and not the outcomes, they tend to perform better, and as their performance gets better, their confidence in their abilities rises.
5. They Support Their Kids Unconditionally
Parents of exceptionals do whatever it takes to help their kids maximize their talent. This may involve spending hours driving them every day to practices and waiting for them while they hone their skills. When Ed Sheeran’s dad realized that his son loved playing music, he was the one who suggested that the youngster take up music seriously and drove him to gigs regularly. Whenever I speak to parents of exceptionals, they often describe the sacrifices they made to help their kids achieve greatness, and they have done it ungrudgingly.
While there are exceptions and some kids become exceptional despite coming from an unsupportive environment, the majority of high achievers come from homes filled with love and where every family member does their best to support the others.
Parents are the Foundation of Success:
There is no such thing as a solo superstar, everyone who has achieved something noteworthy has done so because of the support system around them. In most cases, this starts with parents who give up a large part of their lives to help their kids achieve their dreams. However, parents often have their own priorities and can’t give their kids what they need to nurture their talents. This results either in wasted potential or in kids looking elsewhere for guidance.
If you have talented kids and want to help them realize their potential, you can’t just sit on the sidelines and watch your child grow up and achieve excellence. You need to be an active and involved parent because your kids need you and can’t do it without your support.
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