Christopher Bell, III | Chief Operations Officer | Executive Advisor StealthEnomics.
I distinctly remember the moment when I realized that I could be regretfully imperfect and insecure while still being uncommonly brave and incredibly brilliant… all at the same time. It was in a season of intentional self-discovery that I came to embrace this dichotomy of my humanity as a benefit that empowers me to flow between the rejection of adult-sized self-limiting beliefs and the words of my eighth-grade football coach: “Son, you’re good, but you ain’t all that.”
Lesson: Prepare to be challenged.
Seeking Answers
Today, when the ironies of life and deep questions knock on my door, that’s when my seasoned reasoning and logic kick in by reflex. Sometimes I begin with a web or artificial intelligence (AI) search. If that doesn’t satiate my curiosity, then I usually connect with a subject matter expert, and where that’s insufficient, I leverage my faith or meditate to calmly surrender my thoughts to marinate in the mysterious.
Lesson: Try to evolve in accepting that whether good or bad, everyone and every situation can be a teacher—and sometimes, we all pay full tuition.
The Prison Experience
Not so long ago, I spent a few years teaching Rick Warren’s The Purpose-Driven Life as a volunteer going inside maximum-security correctional facilities to share with a community of incarcerated men on a weekly basis. Surprisingly, I felt at ease, was never disrespected and probably learned more from that community than I taught them.
It took me a few months as a volunteer to emotionally reconcile and compare my ability to freely walk in and out of a place where the longest line was men being supervised in taking their daily dose of prescribed antidepressants and where the response to an announcement that “Servings of punch and cupcakes have been approved by the warden” was celebrated like a Super Bowl win.
Lesson: Be grateful.
Who Is Really Locked Up?
I distinctly remember having dinner at an upscale restaurant and complaining to the waiter that my ribeye steak had been slightly overcooked and that I’d specifically asked for my glass of bourbon to be served neat (without ice). Then, it hit me that only a few months ago I’d watched grown men celebrate the announcement of next week’s serving of punch and cupcakes. It was my attitude of ingratitude at the restaurant that pulled back the curtain on my inconsistency and, some would submit, hypocrisy.
For months, I emotionally wrestled to juxtapose my volunteer “inside experiences” with my “outside life,” only to uncover one personally devastating and simple fact: I’d been on autopilot for so long and been focused so intensely on winning in life that I’d allowed pride to slip in and usurp heart-earned, authentic humility and purpose in life: to help improve the human condition.
Lesson: The world will be quick to tell you who you are. You know who you are. Don’t believe the hype. Remember what my coach said: “Son, you’re good, but you ain’t all that.”
The Educators
Ironically, it took a community of incarcerated men, some of whom were illiterate and others who had dropped out of high school, to provide me with the lenses necessary for me to clearly see a previously obscure yet transformational personal truth: Prison can be more than a place; it can be a mindset, place of work, career, tradition, dysfunctional relationship, institution, religious practice, fear of failure, codependency and more.
Lesson: If you don’t believe you have the power to escape or free yourself from something, or if you decide that remaining in known dysfunctional circumstances is preferred to being free, then you are self-incarcerated, and your warden is fear.
Learning From Everyone
My general personal experience is that we’re all much more alike than we are different—even if we don’t always show it. The awesome thing about human nature is that most people really do want you to know their story! Many of the people I trust the most today may not share my politics, faith, race, social demographic nuances, educational experiences or nationality. Yet they all increase me.
For me, consuming a diet of unreasoned prejudices, superficial activities and algorithm-driven outreach that’s purpose is dopamine escalation and addiction pales in comparison to consuming a nutrient-rich diet of thoughts and perspectives with unselfish, authentic, civil, purpose-driven warriors who want to see everyone win.
10 Ways To Learn From Everyone
I don’t advocate going “inside” as I did, as there are lots of easier and equally rewarding ways to learn from everyone. These can include:
1. Breaking bread and sharing stories with those outside of your traditional sphere of influence.
2. If you’re an artist, spending time asking “how” with technologists and scientists.
3. Reading about someone’s journey, fears, hopes and dreams, even though you may initially presume they’re “not your type.”
4. Rocking out or listening to country music if you love hip-hop (for example). Then inviting others to reciprocate.
5. Attending a religious service of a faith you don’t follow.
6. Watching documentaries about another culture’s history, struggles and victories.
7. Inviting “them” to your social events to become familiar with your world—then asking them to put you on their shortlist for their next social event.
8. Listening with the intention to uncover and understand your common interests, concerns, fears and experiences, and building on that.
9. Watching the sunrise together with friends and family; the experience of a new day diminishes thoughts of conflict and ushers in hope.
10. Volunteering at senior citizens’ residences, homeless shelters and VA hospital facilities and listening to the residents’ stories; they are filled with the riches and lessons of life.
Free yourself. Live. Learn. Grow.
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