As human beings, we all share the universal desire to be heard, accepted, validated, and understood. No matter what your industry or profession, chances are that at some point in your day, you will come into engagement with another human being, whether that be a client, stakeholder, colleagues, employees, your manager, or even family members and friends.
All these relationships directly impact our lives in some way, from securing that all-important business deal, negotiating a contract, or landing a new job, to long-term personal relationships including marriages and friendships. Therefore it is essential to understand best practices for effective communication.
One such best practice, coined into popularity by American psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson in 1957, is that of active listening.
What is active listening?
Active listening is an intentional communication technique that requires the listener to be keenly sensitive to the speaker’s needs and underlying messages, and then provide feedback, without passing judgement or merely listening to interject and propose one’s own agenda. As simple as it seems, this is a vital skill that is one of the most difficult to master, even for those who are highly experienced and skilled communicators.
Seven key active listening skills to master
“You’ve misunderstood me.” “You’ve jumped to the wrong conclusion.” “That’s not the outcome I expected.” Or worse, they angrily storm out of the meeting or abruptly end the phone call.
Any of those sound familiar? One study indicated that active listening, when incorporated, boosted sales revenue by 120% amongst sales professionals. Beyond sales, when these seven core active listening techniques are put into practice, you will gain fresh insights, build trust, establish strong relationships, reduce misunderstandings and subsequent confusion, and improve your career outlook.
Be attentive and fully present
In a fast-paced era where technology and social media platforms have engrossed our lifestyle to the extent that notifications, calls, and emails are endlessly buzzing, this advice is never needed more than now.
While it may be tempting to squeeze in some extra work while on that Teams call, make an effort, as much as lies within your power, to be fully zoned-in and present throughout the conversation. The other person can easily pick up subtle cues if you’re not engaged and this leads to them feeling unheard and disregarded. Besides, you may miss important details if you fail to be 100% present, not just physically, but mentally.
Pay attention to non-verbal cues
Body language encompasses posture, inconspicuous habitual movements of the hands while talking, eye contact, and even intonation and pace of the voice, that send underlying messages of what the speaker is really attempting to say.
Pay attention to these non-verbal cues and use them to read between the lines, because often, what one says through body language is a true indicator of what they are really trying to convey.
At the same time, consider your own body language and ensure you maintain eye contact and an open, interested, and engaged posture.
Ask open-ended probing questions
Demonstrate genuine interest and get to the root of the matter through asking open questions that probe and encourage the speaker to explain themselves and their feelings further. Closed questions prompt a yes/no response, while open-ended questions explore beyond the surface and prompt answers that you most likely did not anticipate.
For example, you could ask, “What is one thing you would like to see done differently at this company?” or “How do you envision you would be able to meet your deadline?” or “What new features would you like added to this product?”
Listen to understand than to respond
How many times have you caught yourself listening to someone, with an agenda already mapped out in your head? Before they even manage to complete the sentence, you are ready to interject with your response or to take the conversation elsewhere. This tells the other person that all you care about is what you have to say.
The next time you are in conversation or a 1:1 meeting, pause, hold back that thought, and genuinely hear the other person out. Seek to understand their point of view and how the message behind what they’re verbally expressing. Then tailor your responses with that in mind.
Withhold judgement
Similarly to the last point about listening to understand, when you do respond, fight the temptation to pass judgement on the speaker. Sometimes we demonstrate it through our body language or words unintentionally, for example, asking questions that begin with “Why?” or raising our eyebrows, can be perceived as critical and censorious, causing the other person to withhold information and leading them to feel unsupported.
Reflect feelings
If the speaker is communicating in a fast-paced, eager, or excited tone, make an effort to match their vocal pattern and and reflect the same enthusiasm. This is also true for any other emotions such as sadness, disappointment, pride, satisfaction, etc.
Paraphrase, reflect, and request clarification
At various intervals throughout the conversation, and especially towards the end, reiterate what you’ve heard and understood thus far and ask the speaker to confirm that your perception is correct.
Particularly in stakeholder meetings, request clarification if there is anything you may have misinterpreted or not understood, and send an email outlining main discussion points and actions that have been agreed. This prevents costly misunderstandings and damages to business relationships, because everyone will be on the same page.
We all desire to get along well with people in general; to be successful in our careers, build effective business partnerships, and develop healthy personal and family relationships. Active listening achieves just that, and more. Not only do the seven principles outlined above ensure that the speaker is heard, validated, and acknowledged, but they also broaden your own horizons and aid you to think outside of the box, encouraging varied perspectives. Challenge yourself to apply one of these principles in your conversations and meetings today.
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