{"id":23331,"date":"2026-05-17T06:15:34","date_gmt":"2026-05-17T06:15:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=23331"},"modified":"2026-05-17T06:15:35","modified_gmt":"2026-05-17T06:15:35","slug":"the-best-jokes-from-this-years-upfronts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=23331","title":{"rendered":"The best jokes from this year\u2019s upfronts"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Ah, the upfronts. The best week of the year to miss your family\u2019s Mother\u2019s Day celebrations, have a cocktail or thirty, and hear some of the most iconic comedians on television pretend to understand what you do for a living.<\/p>\n

As is tradition during upfronts week, media companies like NBCUniversal and Disney invited late-night hosts and comedians like Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, Tina Fey, Craig Ferguson, Matt Rogers, and Bowen Yang, who roasted competitors, the state of the industry, and, in some cases, themselves. Execs like Amazon US Ad Sales VP Tanner Elton and Robert Voltaggio, co-president of US ad sales at Warner Bros. Discovery, made a few cracks onstage, too.<\/p>\n

We rounded up some of our favorite punchlines from this year\u2019s presentations below.<\/p>\n

On upfronts week:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Kimmel: I\u2019ve been through so much bullshit this year, it actually made me appreciate this bullshit.<\/p>\n

Ferguson: When I was a wee boy growing up in the swamp being raised by Shrek, they said to me, \u201cYou\u2019ll never make it in show business. You\u2019ll never play Madison Square Garden\u2014not the small theater in the morning, when people don\u2019t pay.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rogers: Anything can happen at the upfronts.<\/p>\n

Yang: That\u2019s right! Heather Gay and Jenna Bush Hager could come out and rap about contextual realignment. Stay tuned for their new rap duo, Gay Bush.<\/p>\n

On new company ownership:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Voltaggio: Before we go on, we do want to address the Ellison\u2014I mean, the elephant\u2014in the room.<\/p>\n

Meyers: After over a decade, we have taken down CBS. Well, the Ellisons did, but I like to think we helped. Seriously, what\u2019s going on over there? They\u2019re so in the pocket for Trump that I heard next year, Survivor <\/em>is in the Strait of Hormuz.<\/p>\n

Kimmel: Since I started at ABC, I\u2019ve had three CEOs: Bob, Bob, Bob, and Josh. Josh\u2019s last name is pronounced \u201cD\u2019Amaro.\u201d As in, \u201cAll the shows you saw earlier will be canceled D\u2019Amaro.\u201d<\/p>\n

On live programming:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Kimmel: This will be the first Super Bowl on ABC in 20 years, and we are going to milk the bejesus out of it\u2026and as if the country isn\u2019t already divided enough, we put the game on Valentine\u2019s Day, just to be dicks. Let me tell you what, the halftime show this year is going to be the whitest shit you\u2019ve ever seen. Goodbye, Bad Bunny. Welcome back, O-Town.<\/p>\n

Meyers: NBC has the Emmys this year. Well, we\u2019re airing them. HBO is the one who actually gets to have them.<\/p>\n

On younger audiences:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Fey: I\u2019m Tina Fey, or as Gen Z knows me, Timoth\u00e9e Chalamet\u2019s well-behaved mom.<\/p>\n

\n
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Kimmel: The Rookie <\/em>was among the most-streamed shows among viewers under 18. Young people love The Rookie<\/em>. And do you know why? I\u2019m actually asking why. Does anyone know why this is happening? This is like finding out tweens love Triscuits.<\/p>\n

On AI:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Kimmel: Agentic AI is a group of autonomous systems that are planning, making decisions and executing multistep tasks to achieve specific goals with limited human supervision. And that is a fancy way of saying you are all fucked.<\/p>\n

On proteinmaxxing:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Elton: <\/strong>Whether you want to reach the organics-only Whole Foods shopper, coffee lovers on the East Coast, or the most desirable demo in our entire industry\u2014fathers of five who bulk-order protein\u2014we\u2019ve got you.<\/p>\n

On company rivals:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Meyers: Netflix is hosting its upfronts at a pier on the Hudson River, because once a Netflix show hits two seasons, that\u2019s where they dump its body\u2026CBS did not hold an upfront presentation this year, because \u201cthe CBS upfront\u201d just describes how they paid Trump to drop the lawsuit.<\/p>\n

Kimmel: For the first time, I think ever, I am rooting for CBS. They\u2019ve got a lot of great returning shows. They\u2019ve got some great new shows. NCIS: New York<\/em> answers the question, \u201cWhat if LL Cool J partnered up with another white guy in a different city?\u201d…NBC is saying they\u2019re No. 1. Are you allowed to brag about being No. 1 when you have the Olympics and<\/em> the Super Bowl? Only if you have them again next year, and you don\u2019t. NBC picked up Chicago Fire<\/em>, Chicago P.D.<\/em>, and Chicago Med<\/em>. Seriously, is someone at NBC fucking the mayor of Chicago?<\/p>\n

On Anderson Cooper\u2019s hair:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Ferguson: There was a little bit in the prepared remarks for me that said, \u201cCompliment Anderson\u2019s hair.\u201d And I thought, that\u2019s a weird thing. So I asked Anderson, \u201cDid you write that in?\u201d And he said, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d Anyway, I do want to compliment Anderson\u2019s hair because it\u2019s beautiful\u2026That\u2019s Vanderbilt hair. That hair conditions itself as he is moving around.<\/p>\n

On the FCC:<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Meyers: I\u2019m Seth Meyers, or as the FCC calls me, next.<\/p>\n

Kimmel: Usually for ABC to pull you off the air, you have to throw a chair at your Mormon boyfriend\u2026I cost my company a lot of money this year. Billions. It is very possible that no employee in the history of any company has cost their company more.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Read the full article here<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ah, the upfronts. The best week of the year to miss your family\u2019s Mother\u2019s Day celebrations, have a cocktail or thirty, and hear some of the most iconic comedians on television pretend to understand what you do for a living. As is tradition during upfronts week, media companies like NBCUniversal and Disney invited late-night hosts […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":23332,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[78],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-23331","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-marketing"},"yoast_head":"\nThe best jokes from this year\u2019s upfronts | Brandiary<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ah, the upfronts. 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