\n
What are the upfronts for, if not for cocktail receptions, long lines, and a chance to see stand-up comedians roast the industry you\u2019ve dedicated your life to?<\/p>\n
At this year\u2019s upfronts presentations, the comedians tapped to impress advertisers didn\u2019t hold back. Seth MacFarlane kicked off the week with a musical number at NBCUniversal, Jamie Foxx cracked jokes hosting Fox\u2019s upfront, and late-night show hosts like Seth Meyers and Jimmy Kimmel delivered onstage stand-up sets.<\/p>\n
We rounded up some of our favorite punchlines from the week below.<\/p>\n
On AI:<\/h2>\n
Kimmel: I also know that many of you are worried that AI is going to take your jobs, but I don\u2019t think it will. I don\u2019t believe a computer, even the most powerful computer in the world, will ever be able to do what you do. And you know why? Because no computer wants<\/em> to do what you do. Your jobs suck. Every year our audience gets smaller, and we tell you it\u2019s bigger, and we want more for less, and it\u2019s exhausting, I know. We are annoying and unreasonable, and you have shitty jobs because of it.<\/p>\nOn the industry\u2019s inclination to have a cocktail:<\/h2>\n
Foxx: I ain\u2019t seen people this ready to get drunk since last year\u2019s upfront. I see some of my drinking buddies out there.<\/p>\n
On Paramount opting not to host an in-person upfront:<\/h2>\n
MacFarlane: You can gamble on Paramount+, folks, though it seems they no longer even try. But you can go to their upfront show\u2014you can find it in the basement of the Y.<\/p>\n
On executives at rival companies:<\/h2>\n
MacFarlane: [Netflix\u2019s] got 10,000 shows on the platform, but it ain\u2019t where you want to write your checks \u2019cause you will find, yeah, that Love is Blind<\/em>\u2014but alas, folks, so are their execs.<\/p>\nKimmel: [NBCU Chairman of Global Advertising and Partnerships] Mark Marshall claimed yesterday [that] his network has amassed the greatest collection of content that has ever been assembled by one media company. I guess Mark has never heard of Pornhub. Although based on the expression on his face, I feel like he has.<\/p>\n
MacFarlane: All [HBO] series have stories of incest\u2014what the hell are we supposed to take away? And holy cheese, will somebody please check on [Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David] Zaslav\u2019s brother right away.<\/p>\n
On CBS\u2019s viewership:<\/h2>\n
Kimmel: CBS was the most-watched network again for the 17th year in a row, led by their hit comedy, Ghosts<\/em>, which is also what most of their viewers will be soon.<\/p>\nOn next-level brand integrations:<\/h2>\n
Meyers: I host the 12:30 slot; I\u2019m open to anything. If I could sell the naming rights to my kids, I would. Verizon would be a great name for my 7-year-old, considering how often I scream at him. \u201cCan you hear me now?\u201d My daughter\u2019s name? Maybe it\u2019s Adelaide, maybe it\u2019s Maybelline, maybe it\u2019s Ford F-150. I\u2019m not picky.<\/p>\n
\n
\n
Get marketing news you’ll actually want to read<\/h5>\n
Marketing Brew informs marketing pros of the latest on brand strategy, social media, and ad tech via our weekday newsletter, virtual events, marketing conferences, and digital guides.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Kimmel: I\u2019m pleased to present an opportunity like nothing that has ever been presented at any upfront before. I am offering naming rights to my grandchild\u2026Over the next few days, our family is expected to see 12% quarterly growth, and we\u2019d like to build on that by offering our Disney partners the first and only cervical-integration opportunity.<\/p>\n
On ESPN\u2019s new streaming service, ESPN:<\/h2>\n
Kimmel: They had a conclave, and a little puff of white smoke came out of [ESPN Chairman] Jimmy Pitaro\u2019s ass, and the new service bringing live content to millions of fans around the world will go by the name ESPN. And that\u2019s why they call us Imagineers. Now you may be asking, \u201cWhat does this mean for ESPN+, which is on my phone? Will you get rid of that?\u201d No, ESPN+ is here to stay. All right, so will I get more content on ESPN+ than I do on ESPN? No. You will get less content on ESPN+. The plus is now, in many ways, a minus…It\u2019s all part of our plan to confuse you until you hand us the debit card of everyone in your family.<\/p>\n
On Versant, the new name of Comcast\u2019s cable channel spin-off company: <\/h2>\n
Meyers: [Comcast] finally picked the name for SpinCo, and it\u2019s Versant. That\u2019s right, Versant. So remember, ask your doctor if Versant is right for you.<\/p>\n
Kimmel: Versant is a perfect name. It already sounds like something you subscribe to by accident.<\/p>\n
On Max, or HBO Max:<\/h2>\n
MacFarlane: Who\u2019s in charge of the business at Max now? Well, whoever it is, they got to go. It\u2019s awful sad, but it all went bad when they changed their stupid name from HBO.<\/p>\n
+1: <\/strong>Looks like the execs at Warner Bros. Discovery got the last laugh. When Casey Bloys, the chairman and CEO of HBO and Max content, announced that Max would indeed be going back to its previous iteration, HBO Max, there was uproarious laughter.<\/p>\n<\/div>\nRead the full article here<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"What are the upfronts for, if not for cocktail receptions, long lines, and a chance to see stand-up comedians roast the industry you\u2019ve dedicated your life to? At this year\u2019s upfronts presentations, the comedians tapped to impress advertisers didn\u2019t hold back. Seth MacFarlane kicked off the week with a musical number at NBCUniversal, Jamie Foxx […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":22300,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[78],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-22299","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-marketing"},"yoast_head":"\n
This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts | Brandiary<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What are the upfronts for, if not for cocktail receptions, long lines, and a chance to see stand-up comedians roast the industry you\u2019ve dedicated your\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts | Brandiary\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What are the upfronts for, if not for cocktail receptions, long lines, and a chance to see stand-up comedians roast the industry you\u2019ve dedicated your\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Brandiary\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/1748277889_b7b6f3601a40b71fadd47aa83bd7272c70afc72a-3000x2000.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"630\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"News Room\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"News Room\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"News Room\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/person\/5062dafb0f932b59aa228f1a047332f4\"},\"headline\":\"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299\"},\"wordCount\":884,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#organization\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Marketing\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299\",\"name\":\"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts | Brandiary\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00\",\"description\":\"What are the upfronts for, if not for cocktail receptions, long lines, and a chance to see stand-up comedians roast the industry you\u2019ve dedicated your\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/\",\"name\":\"Brandiary\",\"description\":\"Latest Business and Startup News and Updates\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Brandiary\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/b-logo-1.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/b-logo-1.png\",\"width\":381,\"height\":100,\"caption\":\"Brandiary\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/person\/5062dafb0f932b59aa228f1a047332f4\",\"name\":\"News Room\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/avatar_user_1_1688031660-96x96.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/avatar_user_1_1688031660-96x96.png\",\"caption\":\"News Room\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?author=1\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts | Brandiary","description":"What are the upfronts for, if not for cocktail receptions, long lines, and a chance to see stand-up comedians roast the industry you\u2019ve dedicated your","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts | Brandiary","og_description":"What are the upfronts for, if not for cocktail receptions, long lines, and a chance to see stand-up comedians roast the industry you\u2019ve dedicated your","og_url":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299","og_site_name":"Brandiary","article_published_time":"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1200,"height":630,"url":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/1748277889_b7b6f3601a40b71fadd47aa83bd7272c70afc72a-3000x2000.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"News Room","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"News Room","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299"},"author":{"name":"News Room","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/person\/5062dafb0f932b59aa228f1a047332f4"},"headline":"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts","datePublished":"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00","dateModified":"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299"},"wordCount":884,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#organization"},"articleSection":["Marketing"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299","url":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299","name":"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts | Brandiary","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00","dateModified":"2025-05-26T16:44:49+00:00","description":"What are the upfronts for, if not for cocktail receptions, long lines, and a chance to see stand-up comedians roast the industry you\u2019ve dedicated your","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?p=22299#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"This year\u2019s best jokes from the upfronts"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/","name":"Brandiary","description":"Latest Business and Startup News and Updates","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#organization","name":"Brandiary","url":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/b-logo-1.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/b-logo-1.png","width":381,"height":100,"caption":"Brandiary"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/person\/5062dafb0f932b59aa228f1a047332f4","name":"News Room","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/avatar_user_1_1688031660-96x96.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/avatar_user_1_1688031660-96x96.png","caption":"News Room"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com"],"url":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/?author=1"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22299","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=22299"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22299\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22301,"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22299\/revisions\/22301"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/22300"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=22299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=22299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysourcefunding.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=22299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}